... where you'll find all of the varied parts of my online presence. Life is rich and full. Right now, I'm busy with lots of projects, writing science fiction, writing about contemplative practice, doing web development, and, well, just living on the left coast, in Sonoma County. Check out the links at the left and below, or my projects list for more details on what I'm up to. Please feel free to contact me, of course.
My Stuff From Around the Web
Find out the #1 cause of queer and lesbian relationship challenges – and how to navigate it. Do you want to stop losing yourself in your intimate relationships? Want to keep excitement and passion alive? Then watch this video!
The post Queer and Lesbian Relationship Secrets: The Saga of PAP and PEP appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
When Michelle and I first started thinking about offering relationship tools to lesbians & queer women, we did a search to see who else was doing that kind of thing. And we found absolutely nothing. Well, that’s not completely true. Let’s say, almost nothing. Christine Dunn-Cunningham in Ithaca, NY offers “Lesbian Love Guru” coaching and […]
The post Does it Take a Village to Create True Queer & Lesbian Love? appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
Dear CG, Help! I always end up with bisexual women who end up leaving me for men. This is the 4th time it’s happened! In the beginning they always gush on and on: “You’re so beautiful, you’re such a goddess” and I fall for it every time. Then later they’re like “Well, I’m sorry, I […]
The post “Help! I always fall for bi women who leave me for men!” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
As I hope many of you know, we are hosting the first telesummit specifically focused on the relationship issues of lesbian/queer women. One of our speakers is Amber Ault, who wrote a great book about “crazy making” relationships. It was interesting to talk with her, because so much of what she says about these relationships resonated […]
The post How I managed to get in (and out!) of an abusive relationship appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
Dear CG, I am in a long distance relationship so I only see my girlfriend every couple of months. My girlfriend is most definitely a PEP, having issues around a smothering mother. Her mother made everything about herself and expected to be taken care of by her daughter. She feels like we talk too much. […]
The post “How Can I Stop Fretting When I Don’t Hear From Her?” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
It’s pouring rain today, and our Internet is down – again. It doesn’t like changes in weather. But when I saw the telltale extra red light on the modem (3 red lights is a good sign, but 4 is a very, very bad sign) I felt happy instead of crushed – because finally, after 3+ […]
If you’ve seen any of the Conscious Girlfriend videos or read much of what we’ve written, you’ve already come across the SCORE Process. SCORE is the powerful conflict resolution process that can actually help you and your partner get closer, rather than getting torn apart. If you’re not familiar with SCORE, get the details here. […]
Dear CG, As I read the letter about the heat dying out after 3 months, it actually reminded me of my last relationship but in reverse. My girlfriend wanted sex and multiple orgasms whenever we had free time over the course of years! She got angry when I told her it exhausted me. I had […]
The post “Most women think sex is love. I want a spiritual connection.” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
Conscious Girlfriend loves to get mail! Send us your questions about love, relationships and intimacy – we’ll answer them. (And if you’re concerned about confidentiality, feel free to use initials and/or city names other than your real ones.) Let us hear from you!
I rarely read the Craigslist women-seeking-women posts. Most of them seemed to be written by women who were home alone for a few hours and just wanted to fool around. Still, that night eight years ago, for some reason I couldn’t explain, I clicked on them. When I entered the key word “spiritual,” it eliminated […]
Q: I meditate, but can’t seem to stop arguing with my girlfriend. I meditate for 30 minutes almost every day, but my girlfriend and I get into arguments all the time. I don’t understand why all that time I spend sitting doesn’t really make a difference when things get rough. I know that I should […]
One of the first things people notice about us when they see our picture, when they get past the fact that we’re both women, is that we’re an interracial couple. We mention it in passing in our first video, but I thought that perhaps some people might appreciate hearing what kinds of issues or struggles […]
Dear Conscious Girlfriend, My last three relationships all lasted less than a year. I thought my most recent ex was “the one,” but three months in, she stopped wanting to have sex with me! I know sex dies out after awhile, but three months?! Plus she didn’t work out much, she ate a lot of […]
We’ve heard from some people who really liked our response to M.L. in Ann Arbor, but others who are wondering: “But what about compatibility? Isn’t it important for me to choose who is a good ‘fit’ for me, and who isn’t?” And the answer to that is: Yes, of course! So please read on. Just […]
Dear CG, My problem is that I can’t seem to accept imperfection. Every time I date someone, I find something wrong with her. She’s overweight, she’s not happy enough, she drinks too much, she’s too messy, she’s too neat, she’s too rigid, she looks too gay (I know that one isn’t supposed to bother me, […]
We all know that fighting is hard on our relationships. When we respond to conflict by yelling, storming out, giving each other the “silent treatment,” or trying to stuff our feelings down, we erode the feeling of safety and trust in our partnership – and without safety and trust, intimacy and love eventually die, too. […]
The post Take Your Finger Off That Trigger! Processing vs. SCORE appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.
Years ago, I was madly in love with a woman I’ll call Sarah. The first time I went to her house, I was won over by the huge unabridged dictionary that had a permanent home on her dining room table. When she took me to a raptor center, and then to see a rainbow out […]
At first glance, the five steps of the SCORE Process may seem like a lot to remember. But once you’re familiar with the process, you can go through all the steps inside yourself in less than a minute. The SCORE Process S Step back into yourself C Connect to […]
Have you ever wondered:
- Why do lesbians & queer women bond so quickly – and tend to have so much drama?
- What is the difference between merging and real intimacy?
- How can we get from “crazy in love” to stable long-term relationships?
Or maybe you’ve heard women say things like this:
- “We spend all our time together – why don’t we feel close?”
- “My girlfriend gets upset when we spent time apart, but I need more time alone. Who’s right, her or me?”
Watch this video to find out the answers to all of these questions, and more!
Yes, it IS possible to have a happy, healthy, long-term lesbian or queer relationship! And this video, the first of a series made by Drs. Michelle Murrain, a neuroscientist and Buddhist, and her partner Ruth L. Schwartz, a therapist and professor, will tell you how to get there. Despite the letters after their names, Drs. Murrain and Schwartz are 100% real and vulnerable as they tell the story of getting to their happy partnership “the hard way,” after decades of painful relationships and breakups. Now, they have combined their 50+ years of relationship experience into a system they call Conscious Girlfriend, which aims to “make love easier for lesbian and queer women.” Video 1, “How Can We Stop Fighting?” introduces the couple’s powerful system for resolving conflicts while deepening intimacy (hint: it doesn’t involve fighting OR processing!)