... where you'll find all of the varied parts of my online presence. Life is rich and full. Right now, I'm busy with lots of projects, writing science fiction, writing about contemplative practice, doing web development, and, well, just living on the left coast, in Sonoma County. Check out the links at the left and below, or my projects list for more details on what I'm up to. Please feel free to contact me, of course.



My Stuff From Around the Web

“Where are all the ‘real’ women?” “I just want someone to be honest and authentic with me!” “No one I meet knows how to listen and go deep!” It’s amazing how often we hear this kind of thing. And if you’re among the many women who feel this way, I’ve got some good news and […]

The post Where Are All The “Real” Women – The Ones Who Can Go Deep? appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Admit it: are you a woman-loving-woman who’s ever acted more turned-on than you really felt, or even pretended to have an orgasm? If so, you’re not alone. Most lesbians (along with our straight sisters) have done that from time to time – and some of us have done it a lot. Why would a lesbian […]

The post The Naked Truth About Why Lesbians Fake It (And Why I Stopped!) appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

I’m sorry for that alarmist headline. But the truth is, most of the women we hear from are a lot more focused on “finding Ms. Right” than on becoming Ms. Right – i.e., learning what it actually takes to create lasting intimacy, and clearing your blocks to really letting that intimacy in. Michelle and I just celebrated […]

The post Why You’ll Never Meet the Right Woman appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Dear Conscious Girlfriend, My name is Prashant, and I live in India. India is a country where love is everywhere, but with boundaries. I fell in love with a girl who is Muslim by religion, and I am a Hindu. Since my childhood, I never believed in being divided by caste or religion. From birth, […]

The post “In India, Girls Don’t Leave Each Other For Men. They Leave For Their Parents.” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

If you struggle with getting what you want in relationships — or with losing yourself — then this video is definitely for you. If you’re single, maybe you just can’t seem to meet the right women — or the “wrong” women keep showing up? If you’re in a relationship, maybe you end up feeling deprived, […]

The post What Gets in the Way (of Getting What you Want?) appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

This list is excerpted from our all-new Conscious Lesbian Dating Kit. (Get the whole kit free when you join our new Membership Program!) If you’re a queer woman or lesbian who is dating in the hope of creating a happy, healthy, truly intimate lasting relationship, and you  meet a woman with one of these red […]

The post Ten Lesbian Dating Red Flags to Watch Out For appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Have you heard about these stats? Although lesbian/gay marriage and even civil unions haven’t been around very long, early studies suggest that lesbian couples are 50-167% more likely to divorce than heterosexual couples, and nearly twice as likely to divorce as gay men. Huh? We’re just winning the right to marry, and we’re already getting […]

The post Why Do Lesbians Have Higher Divorce Rates than Everyone Else? appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

This guest post by “Ellen” (not her real name) shares the story of a young woman’s first devastating breakup – and how and what she learned from it. We’re still accepting stories, so if you have a “worst breakup” story too, please send it along! I’m only 24 years old, but I feel as if […]

The post “There’s life before Mary, during Mary, and after Mary!” My break-up story appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Here’s another guest post in response to our call for “worst breakup” stories. This writer – who chose to remain anonymous – was hesitant to include the 4th paragraph, but I told her I thought it was a very powerful, healing part of the story! Check it out for yourself. I was so mesmerized by […]

The post “I felt used and discarded… but slowly, something wonderful happened” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Dear C.G., I don’t understand the statement on your retreat page about learning to create “a relationship that just works, rather than one that feels like hard work.” Aren’t relationships always hard work? (It sure seems like it to me!) After all, two people are always going to be different and have different needs. Sometimes […]

The post “Aren’t relationships always hard work? It doesn’t seem worth it any more.” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

It was my favorite carry-on suitcase. A decade ago, it served me well all the way to India and back. So when the fabric ripped, I didn’t want to throw it out – but the luggage repair shop’s quote was outrageous. I felt very pleased with my ingenious solution: one large needle, some dental floss, […]

The post Class, Race, Ethnicity & Dental Floss: Navigating Differences with Love appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

This astonishingly powerful guest post comes to us from Nicole Ditz (www.holisticdepththerapy.com), who sent it in response to my invitation for readers to send their worst breakup stories. When I asked if we could publish it, anonymously or with attribution, Nicole wrote back, “Ruth, please do post it with my full name and web link. […]

The post “I took back my pulpy heart and stitched it up securely in my own small but sturdy chest” – a breakup survival story appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

It was April 2000. With the woman I’d been madly in love with since the previous summer – a woman I’d literally wanted since the first moment I saw her. (That had never happened to me before.) She’d signed up to take a workshop with me at a writing conference, and told me later that […]

The post The Worst Break Up of My Life (and How I Survived) appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

In my years of Buddhist practice, I’ve learned a lot from the four Brahma Viharas, also known as “beautiful qualities” – loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic joy, and equanimity. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to understand that cultivating these qualities can be very beneficial for your relationship. And although it’s especially powerful when both members […]

The post Beautiful Relationship Qualities appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Dear CG, I am in the midst of losing the one girl I have ever truly loved because I don’t know how to let go of my past. I was abused for 3 years and now I have a girl who treats me amazing but I constantly pick fights and it’s making her unhappy so […]

The post “How Can I Stop Picking Fights – Before It’s Too Late?” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

“We live in different towns, and Susan hardly ever wants to talk on the phone,” Elise said tearfully. “It makes me feel so rejected, like I’m not worthy of her time and attention.” “I love Elise, but I’ve got a really busy life,” Susan explained. “Talking on the phone sometimes feels like too much at […]

The post “My gf hardly ever wants to talk on the phone!” “My gf ALWAYS wants to talk on the phone!” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

In the first part of this article, “The Goldilocks Dilemma: Navigating Closeness & Distance in Lesbian/Queer Relationships,” we explored the reason why so many lesbians and queer women struggle with difficult feelings when our partner seems to get too far away – or when she seems to get too close. Because these feelings (which we […]

The post Too Hot, Too Cold, Just Right: Navigating Closeness and Distance appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Find out the #1 cause of queer and lesbian relationship challenges – and how to navigate it. Do you want to stop losing yourself in your intimate relationships? Want to keep excitement and passion alive? Then watch this video!

The post Queer and Lesbian Relationship Secrets: The Saga of PAP and PEP appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

When Michelle and I first started thinking about offering relationship tools to lesbians & queer women, we did a search to see who else was doing that kind of thing. And we found absolutely nothing. Well, that’s not completely true. Let’s say, almost nothing. Christine Dunn-Cunningham in Ithaca, NY offers “Lesbian Love Guru” coaching and […]

The post Does it Take a Village to Create True Queer & Lesbian Love? appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Dear CG, Help! I always end up with bisexual women who end up leaving me for men. This is the 4th time it’s happened! In the beginning they always gush on and on: “You’re so beautiful, you’re such a goddess” and I fall for it every time. Then later they’re like “Well, I’m sorry, I […]

The post “Help! I always fall for bi women who leave me for men!” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

As I hope many of you know, we are hosting the first telesummit specifically focused on the relationship issues of lesbian/queer women. One of our speakers is Amber Ault, who wrote a great book about “crazy making” relationships. It was interesting to talk with her, because so much of what she says about these relationships resonated […]

The post How I managed to get in (and out!) of an abusive relationship appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

Dear CG, I am in a long distance relationship so I only see my girlfriend every couple of months. My girlfriend is most definitely a PEP, having issues around a smothering mother. Her mother made everything about herself and expected to be taken care of by her daughter. She feels like we talk too much. […]

The post “How Can I Stop Fretting When I Don’t Hear From Her?” appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

It’s pouring rain today, and our Internet is down – again. It doesn’t like changes in weather. But when I saw the telltale extra red light on the modem (3 red lights is a good sign, but 4 is a very, very bad sign) I felt happy instead of crushed – because finally, after 3+ […]

The post The Fights We Don’t Have to Have appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.

A old colleague of mine wrote a sweet piece about marriage, and what it means to ...
Location: Metacentricities

If you’ve seen any of the Conscious Girlfriend videos or read much of what we’ve written, you’ve already come across the SCORE Process. SCORE is the powerful conflict resolution process that can actually help you and your partner get closer, rather than getting torn apart. If you’re not familiar with SCORE, get the details here. […]

The post The Biology Behind SCORE appeared first on Conscious Girlfriend.